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THE HUNGRY SOUL
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Woman to Woman

BREATHE DEEPLY!
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BARBUDOM
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Breathe Deeply! Healing Stories for the Soul by Patricia A. Burke Paperback List: $12.00 (Special Discount!) Published by Audenreed Press Illustrated by Viki Kennedy © 175 pages printed on recycled paper ISBN: 1-879418-95-9

Many millions of years ago, as the immense cosmic forces of the universe swirled into alignment, the blue-green sphere known to all as the Glorious Mother was born. Her aura emerged from massive, swirling clouds, teeming with tiny particles that danced with the new light. Her vast oceans churned and bubbled with the beginnings of life. From within the depths of this liquid wonderment volcanos exploded with her fiery passion, creating solid ground. There, she adorned her body with luscious jungles and teeming swamps. During this time of great beginnings, out of the primordial ooze, was born a strange and magnificent beast named BARBUDOM.

BARBUDOM was an exceedingly large creature, covered with fur and scales and feathers. He had a dragon's tail, the body of a rhinoceros, and the head of a tiger. Long, sharp talons and fangs the size of sabers grew from his paws and his jaw.

As he emerged from the Glorious Mother's womb BARBUDOM examined the unfamiliar surroundings. "Where am I?" He thought. "Why have I come to this strange place?"

The beast then looked at his own body. Suddenly, BARBUDOM's face turned a pale shade of green, his lips a deep blue. "What's this ugly shell around me?" His eyes glazed over. "I'm trapped. Get me out of here! I want to go home!"

The beast's blood began to boil and curls of smoke seeped from his ears. In the next instant, a fearful dread crept into his belly and turned his lunch upside down. "Who am I?" He moaned. "I can't remember who I am."

BARBUDOM let out a ferocious howl. The anguished rage in his voice echoed for miles. When the reverberation returned to him the baffled beast cried out, "What savage creature be you, who'd tear me apart and cast my bones to the wind?" There was no reply.

The silence was deafening. The fearful dread crept back into the beast's belly. BARBUDOM whimpered, then lumbered as fast as his large body would take him into the deepest part of the jungle, desperately fleeing the savage voice.

BARBUDOM stumbled upon a cave in the heart of the jungle, just big enough for him to squeeze into. The beast curled up into a tight little ball, then covered his eyes with his cumbersome paws. He lay in the darkness, shivering, the rise and fall of his chest, with his breath, imperceptible to the eye.

The day turned to night and the night back to day; the days into weeks, the weeks into months and the months into years. BARBUDOM did not move from that spot and never made a sound. A single thought burrowed deep into his brain, looping round and round in an endless spiral. "The Great Creator has forsaken me. He's banished me to this awful place and forced me into this detestable body as punishment. I must be the most repulsive brute that ever existed."

As the years went by other creatures, great and small slowly emerged from the life-giving ooze, and one-by-one moved out and about. Some traveled deep into the jungle, others followed the path into the mountains, and still others scampered to the desert; each with the single-minded purpose of finding their own niche and adding to the beauty of the evolving sphere.

One day BARBUDOM awoke from a profound sleep. He noticed hunger gnawing at his belly and deep ache in his heart. Suddenly his longing propelled him upward. "Ouch!" He yelled. "Now I have a nasty bump on my head. That'll teach me not to be so hasty."

In the next moment, the beast decided to venture out into the world. That familiar sense of dread crept into his cells. BARBUDOM froze. "Should I stay or should I go?" was the question rumbling around in his brain. His longing was greater than his fear. The beast placed his right front paw slightly forward, his momentum carried him out of the cave.

As BARBUDOM tentatively poked his head out into the light of day he saw, grazing quietly next to the entrance of the cave, creatures of such beauty and grace his heart leapt with joy. Without thinking, the beast rushed forward with wild abandon, desperately clutching at anything that moved, in the vain hope of capturing the love he craved.

Frightened by this desperate, destructive energy the smaller animals fled. Then some of the larger animals turned on BARBUDOM, "You vile, loathsome beast," they howled, gnashing their teeth and slashing at him with their claws. "Get away from our children. Leave us alone!"

BARBUDOM was horrified and fled into the jungle. When he found a dark, safe spot he lay down and once again curled into a tight little ball. He thought a long time about why the creatures had run from him, then attacked him. One and only one conclusion was possible for the beast's underdeveloped brain, "I'm ugly. Everyone hates me because I'm ugly."

BARBUDOM suddenly felt utterly alone. Then a powerful rage swelled up from the beast's belly, flooding his awareness like a tidal wave crashing the shoreline. BARBUDOM pounded the ground with his paws. He gouged large holes from the earth with his claws, then thrashed about with his dragon tail, tearing up trees from their roots. The beast stomped around in a circle, raised his fist to the sky and yelled in the general direction of where he imagined the Great Creator lived, "This just isn't fair! I'll show you... I'll make myself beautiful!"

Thinking he found the key to life, BARBUDOM carefully crafted an elaborate costume from vibrant green leaves and fragrant flowers of varied hues. The beast adorned himself with all the colors of the spectrum; red, orange, yellow, green, sky blue, indigo, and white. As he worked, BARBUDOM's mood changed. "This is much better," He thought. "Now I'm the most beautiful creature on the planet. The others will fall at my feet and gaze at me in loving adoration. I'll never feel angry, or lonely, or frightened ever again."

BARBUDOM decided to try out his new costume. He lumbered back to the clearing in front of his cave, his heart pounding in anticipation of meeting some new friends. As he approached he saw several small furry creatures scurrying about gathering nuts and seeds. The beast paused, not wanting to startle them again.

When the others saw BARBUDOM, they curiously approached this wondrous new being, not recognizing the enormous beast behind his mask. "Look," they tittered, "he's so beautiful... and smells good too." Then one of the creatures looked more closely, sensing that something was not quite right. "Run!" he cried, "it's that terrible beast from the cave." Now frightened, they once again fled into the jungle.

BARBUDOM felt as if the world had fallen out from under his feet. "I don't understand," he cried. "I was sure this time would be different." Tears filled the beast's eyes. "I'll always be alone." A searing pain ripped through the beast's chest, then the volcano in his belly erupted.

The rage-filled beast stomped around in a circle, destroying nests, hurling rocks and ripping trees up from their roots. BARBUDOM let out a ferocious howl the likes of which no one had ever heard. The echo sounded for thousands of miles, then once again returned home. BARBUDOM shouted, "Where be you, oh savage brute. Show your face, at last. I'll face you now, even though it means the death of me!" There was no reply.

In the midst of the silence, the dread returned. He lumbered into his cave and curled up into a exceptionally tight ball. Then BARBUDOM raised his eyes imploringly to the heavens. This time instead of shaking his fist, the despairing beast prayed, "Almighty I don't know why you've sent me here to live out my life all alone, but I need your help now. Please, I don't know what to do."

Suddenly BARBUDOM heaved a deep sob, his chest expanding beyond its fullness. A shaft of brilliant white light descended through the roof of the cave, into the top of the beast's head, into his heart, then still deeper into his very core.

Suddenly, BARBUDOM heard a powerful, yet compassionate voice, whose tone was unlike his own ferocious howl, yet very familiar to him. "I am the Great Creator within you," it said.

The beast's back stiffened. But the voice was so soothing BARBUDOM quickly relaxed and slipped into a space of inner stillness. With great certainty the beast replied, "You are the Almighty."

Then, BARBUDOM invaded the tranquility with hundreds of questions fired in rapid succession at the Creator, "Why am I here? Why is there another beast after me? Why are the other creatures afraid of me? And most of all I want to know how I can stop being afraid and make friends with the other animals?"

The Great Creator spoke slowly and gently to the giant beast, "My dearest BARBUDOM you have come here to remember who you really are and bring your unique gifts to this evolving world."

"But Creator," the beast protested, "I have no gifts to offer. I'm ugly and the other creatures are repulsed by me. Some of them even attack me. Then there's that really scary monster who lets loose such a bloodcurdling howl, but never shows his face."

The Great Creator smiled, "My dearest beast. That was your own voice. You simply didn't recognize it. There is nothing to fear except that which is within you that you have not been willing to accept. When you allow yourself to experience yourself and your feelings fully, that energy will become your greatest power and gift to the world."

"Even anger?"

"Especially your anger. Deny your ferocity and others will run from you. Be who you are with loving intent and you'll find the companionship you seek."

As the Great Creator spoke, years of secret anger, swallowed up by fear, suddenly dissolved into the beast's breath. But there was one last resentment that needed to be voiced, "Why," BARBUDOM pleaded. "Why did you send me to this place, then leave me to fend for myself?"

The Great Creator smiled warmly at BARBUDOM and replied, "I never left you. I've been inside you all the time. You simply forgot your true nature. You are a being of light and love created from my essence. When you called, in love, I came."

"Yes, yes!" The beast cried ecstatically. "I remember, now."

Then BARBUDOM let out a ferocious howl. This time, however, instead of running away, he turned toward the sound and claimed it as his own. "That's my voice," he shouted. "I can feel it in my belly. It's not so scary after all."

BARBUDOM leapt to his feet. "Ouch! Not again." The beast rubbed the throbbing lump on his head, but was too excited to notice the pain. He raced out of the cave, with a new lightness and grace to his gait.

BARBUDOM stood tall in the sunlight. The other animals were no longer afraid of him. They eagerly welcomed the beast into their midst. BARBUDOM enthusiastically threw his body into a wild, yet graceful dance, then opened his voice in song.

BARBUDOM noticed an urge rumbling around in his belly to see his own reflection. He followed his impulse to a pool of crystalline, blue water, then peered over its edge. The enormous beast was startled by his transformation. He was no longer a strange mishmash of different creatures but a handsome, powerful lion with a long golden, flowing mane.

BARBUDOM laughed a laugh the likes of which no one had ever heard. It echoed throughout the jungle, over the mountains, through the desert and down to the great vast oceans of this blue-green sphere known to all as the Glorious Mother.

All the creatures gathered round BARBUDOM. They took hands and paws and claws and began to dance in a circle. Much to his delight, BARBUDOM no longer felt lonely. "At last," He sighed, "I belong."

In that moment the lion's heart burst open with love. Then all the other creatures great and small pronounced him king of the jungle by virtue of his great wisdom, courage, and love.

BARBUDOM opened his heart to the sky, then turned his attention inward and thanked the Great Creator, "I know, now, why I'm here."

The Almighty smiled at his dearest beast, gently reminding him, "I am always here for you. Simply call upon the power of your inner beauty and I will come."

Then the handsome beast turned to his new family and proclaimed, "Let this day be a day of joyous celebration for this new creation, our Glorious Mother, our home."

All the creatures clapped, then danced and danced and danced. Then the day turned to night and the night back to day; the days into weeks, the weeks into months and the months into years. BARBUDOM and his friends never stopped dancing.